Sometimes I Just Shake My Head

You know 2008 was probably the worst year of my life. I lost a woman to a jealous and greedy individual. Someone that was suppose to be a friend. However, after 10 plus years of knowing the piece of crap, his true colors showed through. I am so glad I am not like him or the one that she is with now. It’s people like them that I have walked away from. They call them kinds of people drama queens. Therefore, I have decided that they have no place in my world. If only she knew, what he thought of her back then. He sure did have plenty of wonderful things to say about her and her mother. Things that I will never tell her about. Only because that would make me out to be just like them. Therefore, I continue to walk away in hopes that maybe someday she will catch up and walk beside me.

Then there was the loss of my mother in August. Everyone was sure that would put me over the deep end. However, it did not. I believe my mother was prepping me for the day she took her last breath. I was content knowing that she was not suffering anymore. I was tough watching her go through all that she went through over the years. God never really blessed her with a good body. She was always sick. It seemed to me that out of a thirty-day span my mother would feel great for about five days. That went on ever since I was a child. I remember vividly the first time she had an operation. I was eight years old and I must say it scared the shit out of me and my brother. I think we cried the whole time she was in the hospital. Of course, my father leaving us when I was six did not help much.

So today I sit here doing the “What If” crap and wondering what life would be today if they where both still around. Not only did I loose my mother, I lost a friend that I confided in for almost two years before we started dating. That woman, that friend is the only woman I have ever opened up to and now I am back to where I was before I met her. Holding every thing and keeping to myself like I did for so many years before her. Telling everyone that things in my life are ok when in reality they are not. The only thing I have left to say on this issue is Thank You to the one woman that I loved with all my heart. Thanks for being there for me, when I needed you most and thank you for helping with keeping my mother alive. Because without you she would have died, a lot sooner then she did.